A woman who looses her husband is called a widow, and man that looses his wife is called a widower. A child that looses his parents is called an orphan, but there is no word in the English dictionary that describes a parent who has lost their child. It's incomprehensible and indescribable. No human was designed to go through the pain of loosing a child. It's not God's design. The overwhelming sense of grief and loss seems to get worse and not better as time goes on. Not only do you grieve the tragic and indescribable loss, you grieve a future you will never have this side of heaven a hundred times over. Grief is described in waves, wave upon wave, grief upon grief.
They are the worst words you want to hear as a parent, 'there is nothing else we can do, would you like to hold your daughter while we turn off the equipment'. Walking away from the hospital a man down while everything inside of you screams to go back in there and not leave till there is a different outcome. Like a bad dream that you can't seem to wake up from. Moments blur into days and weeks and then months.
Hope.
Im so thankful for Jesus.
"the Lord was my support, He brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me." Psalm 18:16
Hope is my secret weapon. He promised, and I'm counting on Him to deliver.
"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the assurance of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1
On November 27th, 2016 my little Kadi went straight from my arms to Jesus' arms. Her life went from glory to glory. The peace and calm we experienced after Kadi went to Heaven can only be God. He had us in His hands just as He held my daughter. I miss her every day and I don't expect that to change. But I'm determined to run my race harder and faster. Heaven is my real home. I'm setting my mind on it, and until I get there I am running with the cheetahs and risking the waves and telling every one I can about Jesus and Heaven.
While the memories on this day one year ago are haunting ones, the reality is that November 27th is the day Kadi got to go Home, she just beat us there. "because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 63:7
Kadi is more apart of my future than my past, and I can't wait to see my little girl again.
I'm praying you find comfort, a shoulder to cry on and someone who understands. Most importantly, I'm praying you find hope. Hope to carry on through your pain. Hope to keep searching even when the answers seem few and far between. Hope to keep living. Hope to keep believing. Hope that will ground you with a trust to see what you cannot see and faith to trust a God that holds the universe in His hands. You are not alone. Your pain is not overlooked. You are loved.
I love you sweet Kadi-girl. My little sunshine. You are never far from my mind. I love you past the moon and miss you beyond the stars. Heaven and earth may seperate us today, but Im counting down the seconds until I get to see you again.
I was the lucky one, to be your Mommy.
