Kadi Girl

A woman who looses her husband is called a widow, and man that looses his wife is called a widower. A child that looses his parents is called an orphan, but there is no word in the English dictionary that describes a parent who has lost their child. It's incomprehensible and indescribable. No human was designed to go through the pain of loosing a child. It's not God's design. The overwhelming sense of grief and loss seems to get worse and not better as time goes on. Not only do you grieve the tragic and indescribable loss, you grieve a future you will never have this side of heaven a hundred times over. Grief is described in waves,  wave upon wave, grief upon grief.

They are the worst words you want to hear as a parent, 'there is nothing else we can do, would you like to hold your daughter while we turn off the equipment'. Walking away from the hospital a man down while everything inside of you screams to go back in there and not leave till there is a different outcome. Like a bad dream that you can't seem to wake up from. Moments blur into days and weeks and then months.

Hope.

Im so thankful for Jesus.

"the Lord was my support, He brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me." Psalm 18:16

Hope is my secret weapon. He promised, and I'm counting on Him to deliver.
"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the assurance of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1

On November 27th, 2016 my little Kadi went straight from my arms to Jesus' arms. Her life went from glory to glory. The peace and calm we experienced after Kadi went to Heaven can only be God. He had us in His hands just as He held my daughter. I miss her every day and I don't expect that to change. But I'm determined to run my race harder and faster. Heaven is my real home. I'm setting my mind on it, and until I get there I am running with the cheetahs and risking the waves and telling every one I can about Jesus and Heaven.

While the memories on this day one year ago are haunting ones, the reality is that November 27th is the day Kadi got to go Home, she just beat us there. "because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 63:7

Kadi is more apart of my future than my past, and I can't wait to see my little girl again.
I'm praying you find comfort, a shoulder to cry on and someone who understands. Most importantly, I'm praying you find hope. Hope to carry on through your pain. Hope to keep searching even when the answers seem few and far between. Hope to keep living. Hope to keep believing. Hope that will ground you with a trust to see what you cannot see and faith to trust a God that holds the universe in His hands. You are not alone. Your pain is not overlooked. You are loved.

I love you sweet Kadi-girl. My little sunshine. You are never far from my mind. I love you past the moon and miss you beyond the stars. Heaven and earth may seperate us today, but Im counting down the seconds until I get to see you again.


 I was the lucky one, to be your Mommy.

Sweet Baby

The last time I wrote a post I was bouncing on a swiss ball, sporting a ridiculously large belly and 41 weeks pregnant.There must be an art to bringing on labour. I apparently do not know it! But alas, she came. Our little Rhema Grace. If it wasn't for your Hylkema nose I'd think you were switched at birth. Clearly you have some catching up to do in the tanning department, Sweety. You're about 6 shades behind with your pasty white skin. :) Just kidding, I think you're perfect. You LOVE snuggles. Your big sister musters the biggest smiles from you. You two will be inseperabe one day very soon.

Our beautiful little girl. Six months already! I have been telling time to slow down for me so I can catch up with you. Thanks for being our little ray of sunshine. Thanks for all the snuggles. Love you to the moon and back baby girl.
- Mommy

p.s. Thank you Kirsty Norris for taking these photos. Talented you. ♡

Drab to fab

 

Renovating you say?  My mind instantly conjures up cutesie pinterest projects, adorably easy and stress free. In my mind they take up an evening or at most a Saturday afternoon. Easy. Very very easy. And since I have the added bonus of a builder husband, even easier. Right? Delusioned much.  Painting in my mind was a quick slap-it-up activity. Ya no, it's not. I have watched my man work harder than any person should have to every weekend, week after week, month after month, this last year. Literally blowing my mind with skill and talent. Making something beautiful every step of the way.

While pictures will never do the place justice or show the painstaking wall paper stripping process of every room, plastering, walls replaced, floors levelled, insulation, landscaping and general makeover; follow along the journey our little beach house has undergone. Massive thank you to those of you who made this reno happen. We could not have done it without you. 

 ...a year later.

 

Kitchen makeover!!!

 

I'm in love with Nathe's custom made timber bench top! I married a keeper :) 

 

Our Living Room

  I'm not really sure what to call this room ;) The everything room?

 

 Lily's Room

 

Different angles of the room, but this is the Master Bedroom :)  

 

Befores of the backyard

And then after a Hylkema got his hands on it ;)

 Mr. Uhmazing <3

And she grew.

Hi Baby Girl,

My mommy always used to tell me that I would forever be her little girl and now I find myself desperately holding onto that each day as I watch you grow. Somehow you've changed from baby to toddler in the blink of the eye and I for one cannot keep up!

Our beautiful spark, you are gentle and fierce, compassionate and stubborn, sensitive and bold all in the same breath. You inspire me with your friendliness and acceptance of absolutely anyone. Yes, the adolescent teenager behind us in the grocery store or the biker man standing on the street corner, you boisterously yell out hello and blow kisses hoping to receive a smile of recognition in return.

You have been the one standing in the bathroom "rubbing" (A for effort) my back as I puked during this pregnancy. You are always  there with a smile first thing in the morning (clearly you are the only morning person in the family), and I can count on finding you outside by one of the fences chatting away with the neighbours. You sing,  ALL THE TIME! I love it. You are hilarious. You listen carefully like your dad and watch and repeat with his same accuracy. You love working with him. Whatever he is doing you want to get in on. Keeping careful account of all the different "noises" he makes. You love all things sparkly and picking out pretty dresses. Our little princess. You make up songs about your family, your latest adventure, and everything in one. That is one thing you have in common with your Nona :) Never stop the music inside of you, Babe. Keep loving and keep believing. Keep that spark.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Pooch. We love you. To the moon and back again. 

Keep growing baby, but not too fast. and remember you will forever be my little girl.

Say Hi To Jesus.

My Beautiful Nana,

I just got news that I didn't want to hear for another 100 years. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. I want to wake up tomorrow and realize this is just a horrible dream.

I love you Nana. More than you will ever know. As a messed up teenager you were my life-line. Always greeting me with a smile and hug, like you and I had a secret going on no one else knew about. Thank you. For loving me. For caring about my heart and what was really going on. For all our lunch dates and secret getaways. Thank you for teaching me to be a lady, and to be proud of being a lady. Thank you for showing me how to love, by so unselfishly loving me all these years. For crying with me. For laughing with me. For listening and understanding. I watched people misunderstand you, reject you and yet you always loved them back. I will always remember how you treated everyone around you with kindness and thoughtfulness.
 

Thank you for loving and accepting my man and then my wee daughter. I only wish she had more time to get to know you, Nana as much as I do.  I hope tho that I can one day pass on your legacy to her.

I will miss you everyday for a very long time. I love you so much.

Goodbye, Nana
Your Treena